Refuse to Choose Part II

An email conversation with my friend V prompted a bit more thought on the topic from yesterday. (Also I wanted to get another post in before April ends!) Here is my half of the dialogue:

I've been working on the "self acceptance" project a lifetime, but it's been since about 2003 and especially 2007 through now that all the deepest work has been done. (So far.) I have always been one of those "let's see what's around the corner" people, liking the sense of adventure and discovery more than anything else. But "practicalities" always have called me back. As I age it does seem important to have a home base, no question. Like you, maybe I need a home base half the time and adventures the other half. Also, I have to think about this other person I took on as a responsibility! That is really the big question, rather than what will others think of me. It's, what is the extent of my obligation to my marriage? I love my husband dearly and want to factor him in.

It is interesting trying to find the way while also sorting through all the generic and saccharine self-help advice out there. The happiness issue is so complex, and changeable. On paper, of course everyone has a right to be happy, or to pursue happiness at least. But I also think our culture promotes that at the expense of family ties and social ties. Is it really most important for us to be happy as individuals, over and above the harmony of the family or group? Of course it's all situational... but all things being equal, the "me first" aspect of our culture can be pretty destructive.

I've been reading a bit about Americans vs. other societies, in which community and the group is more important than the individual. Americans (generally) like their individuality, since we were founded on those concepts... we like to stand apart. It's part of our national myth. Other countries value choices that favor the collective. Fijians don't understand celebrating one's birthday. (or is it Bali?) They are named based on their family groups and roles, and not given individual names. Individual happiness is not part of their myth. So who is "right" (nobody, obviously) and how do I, as an American woman who also deeply values community and cooperation and harmony, straddle the two?