Building Community

In the late 1990s I worked for M. Scott Peck, author of the best-selling book The Road Less Traveled. Actually, I worked for the nonprofit organization he established with the profits from his books: the strangely named Foundation for Community Encouragement. FCE's mission was to teach people the principles of community, as defined by the ability of two or more people to "communicate with authenticity, deal with difficult issues, welcome and affirm diversity, bridge differences with integrity, and relate with love and respect."

When people signed up for FCE workshops, they usually came expecting to meet new people and form bonds based on mutually enjoyable conversations or experiences. They understood the word "community" not as defined above, but as a kind of fellowship or social interaction. What they didn't yet know was that Peck's "community" was an achievable ideal agonizingly difficult to create. Sitting in a circle, anywhere from ten to forty people found out that there was no agenda for the weekend other than to start talking – about anything - and then to see what happened. The only "rule" I recall (though there were others) was that the group had to let each person speak without interruption.

I participated in a number of these circles (one of which included Seat of the Soul guru Gary Zukav), and experienced the gamut - stomach aches, anger, tears, awe, and peace, often without having to say anything. It was part of my job description to participate, and although I didn't "enjoy" the workshop, it gave me tools, insight and courage that I sorely needed in my life. I carry some of the wisdom of this process with me today, even though I cannot recommend Peck's model of community building without reservation. People sometimes quit the workshops because they weren't interested, ready, or engaged, even after being urged to stay and work through their discomfort. Some, not being familiar with the ideas behind the work, felt duped into having to pay for and endure a very difficult process without warning. (We tried to run the office with the community building principles; it was painfully tricky, and ultimately unsuccessful.) Not all who stayed through the weekend workshop gave it a thumbs up. But the majority did, and that's what made the process so interesting.

Workshop dynamics generally cycle through four distinct stages:

• The first is Pseudo-Community, characterized by polite interaction as individuals operate on the assumption that group members have few differences (and nothing unsettling to say).
  
• Soon, previously unspoken differences begin to emerge. People start to say what they're really thinking or feeling, and it isn't pretty. Most participants deal with the resulting discomfort by trying to "fix" or heal others, or by trying to convert people to their point of view. Limited listening, high emotion, and a significant level of silent or expressed frustration characterize this stage, which has been labeled chaos.

This is when things fall apart. People want to go back to being polite and friendly, but not authentic. Or they want to organize the group or the process in some other way. Neither "leads to a deep level of connection with others," said Peck.

• As you might guess, the only way out is through. Peck called this stage emptiness. This is when individuals begin to notice "what they carry within themselves that keeps them from being authentically present and fully accepting of others. As people share what is real for them—their experience of the present moment, prejudices, stories of past pain or joy, unfulfilled expectations—group members begin to come together in a new way. In this stage, a group will often feel like it is dying but, in the painful struggle to let go of the barriers to relationship, there is opportunity for something new to emerge."

In my experience, the holiest feeling that exists happens in emptiness. Particularly in a group, feeling yourself and others let go of defenses, opinions, excuses, and agendas and just sitting still with ten to forty different and accurate versions of Truth – it's liberating, comforting, and hopeful as little else is. It's a solution to the majority of our problems, really.

• The last stage is the gift of Community, characterized by deep acceptance of others and being accepted in return," observed Peck. "Individuals come to know themselves and others in new ways. Differences still exist, but they are transcended and celebrated rather than suppressed. The group is characterized by a sense of profound respect, appreciation and joy." The hope is that workshop participants will take this home with them, practice it, and spread the word, so to speak.

FCE closed its doors in 2001 after twenty years of operation. M. Scott Peck died in 2005 at the age of 69. Dozens of facilitators and many hundreds of workshop participants exist throughout the world, hopefully carrying forth what they learned about true community into our increasingly challenging world.

http://web.archive.org/web/20070202203133/www.fce-community.org/about/index.php