Born With a Funky OS?

Until I talked to my friend V recently, I realized I'd never put together - out loud - a more complete picture of why I've felt so hindered my whole life. As I get older, and as we learn more about the science and psychology of being human, I have begun to mesh together what feels like satisfactory answers. Of course, we can never know the whole truth of anything - the Universe and its workings are too profound and mysterious for that. (Then there's all the possibilities of past life issues, spiritual contracts, and your astrological profile, if you are open minded about that sort of thing.) But each of these points below, arrived at via both hard work and sudden intuition, resonate like little tuning forks for me. You can click on the graphic to enlarge it:



The trick is, how to manage not only your psychological programming, but your biological challenges as well. Whether hormonal sensitivity is a main culprit (one reason dysthymia and cyclothymia occur more in women), or other bio aspects contribute equally, it's very hard to pinpoint the problem - and thus know what to treat. It does feel as though my physical frailties have prevented me from getting a good leg up toward fulfilling my "potential," whatever that may be.

Bottom line: I've never had adequate, regular windows of time that I've felt self-knowledgeable and clear headed enough to get a handle on what I want. It seems for me life has been all about managing what I call the "bee's nest" in my head and attendant depressive symptoms; just staying afloat enough to get through the days. (Months, years . . . ). My hope is that the "coming home to oneself" of midlife will free up enough energy, self-knowledge and wisdom to help me push through some of these obstacles and become the late bloomer I think I'm meant to be.