I did some heavy thinking (as opposed to lifting) about why I’m so gym resistant, and came up with some answers. It’s not exercise I dislike, it’s artificiality. In fact, there’s nothing I love more than to go for walks and bike rides; not only do you get your aerobics, but you get to feel the wind or sun on your face, to observe the neighborhood, to stop and smell the roses along the way. It gets you out into the world.
On the other hand, going to the gym feels as obligatory and uninteresting as flossing teeth, or spending a day with people you can barely tolerate. All these things certainly feel good when they’re over, but the time spent doing them brings up, for me at least, feelings of deadness rather than aliveness. (See my earlier post on "Quitting the Gym" in March 2009.)
I finally see that what I am waiting for is a lifestyle that requires me to be out and about in the community, or on the go, much of the day. I want to get my exercise by living, by seeing, exploring, discovering, and doing - not by being around sweaty people reading magazines or watching TV and running in place. The problem is, I don’t know how to make this happen at the moment. And, I hate being cold and wet, so no amount of rain gear is going to make me excited to go for long jaunts in the chilly drizzle of Seattle.
I try hard to do things well, and either because of this or because of my sensitive nervous system, get easily overwhelmed. Even after relaxing my efforts and standards quite a bit recently, having to add yet another thing to keep on top of adds to the overwhelm. Information streaming in from all fronts imbues every choice with heaviness: what food, clothes, cosmetics, and home furnishings contain the least toxins? How can I get to work and heat my home without contributing to climate problems? Is aerobic exercise enough or must I lift weights? Am I getting the newly increased RDA for Vitamin D, and if not, will I get cancer? Is instant oatmeal as healthy as the kind that cooks for five minutes? How can I think about self-fulfillment when half the planet can barely feed themselves? Were these shoes made by child slaves in a foreign sweatshop? How can I eat eggs and meat with the inhumane horrors of factory farming coming more to light each day?
You can see why ignorance can be bliss. Every hour of every day these conversations go on in my head, weighing pros and cons and moral dilemmas. Maybe my anti-gym sentiment is a kind of sit-in, a protest of the conditions of our culture that have evolved us away from physical labor and true community with our neighbors, toward hollow substitutes for these life-giving qualities.
But if I want to keep my health – another thing to worry about – the common wisdom (which isn’t always so wise, by the way) is to get regular exercise. And so I need to find a way to “flip” my feelings about the gym, to remodel my approach to what is now an essential strategy for disease control as opposed to one for keeping my figure, which is pretty much gone these days anyway.
It will likely remain a struggle, at least until winter ends, when walking and biking during the lengthening days comes not only more naturally, but delights the soul as well. I can't wait.
